HIRE ME

NOW I GOTTA GET A JOB
GOTTA GET A JOB, GOTTA GET A JOB, GOTTA GET A JOB,
GOT AN INTERVIEW, DOWNTOWN AROUND TWO,
PUT ON MY BEST SUIT, I TRY TO LOOK CUTE,
I'M WAITING FOR THE BUS, I'M LOOKING AT THE TIME,
THERE'S A STAIN ON MY CUFF, THAT'S A BAD SIGN.
I GET UP OFF THE BUS, I FIND THE RIGHT PLACE,
DOOR GOT ME STUCK, REVOLVING DOORS SUCK,
SECURITY IS PISSED, THEY GOT THEIR EYE ON ME,
I TRY TO ACT CALM, MAINTAIN PROPRIETY,
I ROLL UP TO THE LIFT, I PRESS TWENTY SIX,
I LOOK AT THE TIME, IT'S TWO TWENTY SIX,
I'M LIKE NOOOOOO, TOO LATE FOR THE JOOOOEEE,
I FIGURE I SHOULD DIP, JUST GO HOOOOOME,
BUT DEEP DOWN INSIDE, I KNOW I HAD TO TRY,
I ROLL INTO THE OFFICE AND TELL THEM I'VE ARRIVED:

IT'S THE JOE, THE NUMBER ONE CANDIDATE,
IT'S THE JOE, THE NUMBER ONE CANDIDATE,
I CAN DO MATH, I CAN READ AND WRITE,
I SPEAK ENGLISH, I CAN EVEN TYPE!
I'M THE JOE, I KNOW YOU KNOW THE NAME,
I'M THE JOE, I'VE GOT SOME LOCAL FAME,
I SHOW UP ON TIME, EVEN THOUGH I'M LATE,
I GET SICK A LOT, BUT STILL COME TO WORK!
COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH

beeeat switchchchchch!!!

I STEP INTO THE BOSSES OFFICE, LIMPING DEEP,
HE ASKS ME IF I HURT MYSELF, NAH, THIS IS ME,
HE ASKS ME WHAT I TOOK IN SCHOOL, HISTORY,
AND FOR HOW LONG? HALF OF ONE SEMESTER.
OH WHY IS THAT, THEY WON'T GIVE ME LOANS,
OH WHY IS THAT, MY CREDIT RATINGS BLOWN,
OH WHY IS THAT, OH I KNOW YOU KNOW,
I'M THE FREAKING JOE, I LIVE OFF OF RAP!
BUT NOW YOU WANNA JOB? YES SIR I DO,
SOMETHING REALLY EASY, THAT I CAN HURRY THROUGH,
OH, YEAH, AND I NEED, A LOT OF TIME OFF,
I OFTEN GO ON TOUR, AND I'M SICK A LOT,
BUT EVEN WHEN I'M SICK, I USUALLY SHOW UP,
I USUALLY THROW UP,
I USUALLY COUGH AND COUGH AND COUGH,
BUT NONETHELESS I'M BRILLIANT,
SOME WOULD CALL ME GENIUS,
I'M ONE IN A BILLION,
YOU'LL UNDERSTAND WHEN YOU SEE THIS

I CLIMB UP ON HIS DESK, PULL A MIC OUT MY VEST,
TEAR THE SHIRT OFF MY CHEST, RAP ABOUT HOW I'M BLESSED
WITH THE TALENT OF THE BEST, HOW I ONCE KILLED A BEAR
HOW IF HE CAME TO MY HOUSE, HE WOULD SEE THE RUG IN THERE,
I TELL HIM HE'S RETARDED, I'M THE NUMBER ONE CANDIDATE,
I TELL HIM HE SHOULD HIRE ME IF ONLY HE CAN HANDLE IT,
I BREAK A COUPLE THINGS, SHOW HIM MY FRICKING TEETH,
LET THE DIAMONDS AND THE GOLD IN MY GRILL TALK FOR ME,


CAUSE I'M THE JOE, THE NUMBER ONE CANDIDATE
IT'S THE JOE, THE NUMBER ONE CANDIDATE,
I CAN DO MATH, I CAN READ AND WRITE,
I SPEK ENGRISH, I CAN EVEN TYPE!
I'M THE JOE, I KNOW YOU KNOW THE NAME,
I'M THE JOE, I'VE GOT SOME LOCAL FAME,
I SHOW UP ON TIME, EVEN THOUGH I'M LATE,
I GET SICK A LOT, BUT STILL COME TO WORK!
COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH